Forgotten Love

I'm alive.

I've spent a large portion of my life gradually numbing myself to my emotions... Not realising that creation is made possible when we are emotional. I am so grateful for some of the most heart wrenching moments in my life.

When I met you, I did not have much of a clue, not a single clue of what I wanted, of who I was and of what being alive in this world means. I was afraid and the worst thing about it... I didn't even realise that I was so scared. After sitting with you, only briefly I was empowered by you immediately. You made me feel on top of the world, you filled my entire being up and it was no big deal for you.

Maybe it is that I rushed into bed with you super quick or maybe it was that I didn't give us enough of a chance to blossom... We didn't come to be. You are the love I almost had, the love whose taste ceases to leave my tastebuds alone. You were the love that showed me that absolutely anything is possible... And I was the love that.... Well honestly, I have no clue if I left an impression at all.

I tell you though... I'm grateful for the impression you left.

I am not so grateful to myself for not seeing the blessing that was present.

Although a part of me is also of the belief that this is exactly what you would like me to think.

In my being, I know the reason I moved away.

It was fear, fear of what? Fear that you may manipulate me, fear that you'd abuse my trust, fear that I'd be raped, that you'd take me and spit me out again.... I feared that you would do to me... the exact thing that I have done to myself all of my life.

I feel like I'm finally returning, that my emotions are finally my own again.

I finally feel myself.

And I'm not afraid to be that self.

I am not afraid of living anymore.

I am not afraid of love anymore.

Of course maybe this is late.

In another life we will come to be.

Unfortuneately... It is not this one.

But I trust this is exactly how it is meant to be.

I am so excited to live the life that is worth living.

I am so excited to build with someone incredible.

To watch my man, become his truest, most empowered self.

The thing is... When you empowered me? You did not just empower me... but you showed me how to empower others. I did not realise that empowering others could be that way... I did not realise the empowerment that comes from being radically honest to people... From saying exactly what is there, without attachment or detachment from what is... When it comes from a place of true understanding, it is truly empowering!

I feel the electricity within me.

I feel the freedom to be and the electricity runs through my veins.

My dear dear dear

I feel so empowered and so elated and aware of my capabilities.

I feel so aware of love and of its multiple modes of manifestation.

I am so grateful.