A lost and endless ramble into the realm of nothingness, where nothing stays and nothing remains.

Here I stand, 

24, feeling less than alive...

Trying to hide behind the light even though the light is exactly what illuminates the lies I tell myself,

When I'm awake in a personal nightmare which is both creating a beauty beyond belief and also crushing all the beauty that had previously been,

Such backwards logic, unjust thinking,

You can't hide behind that which illuminates. 

I once saw the world with a glimmer of hope, a belief that everything works out on the whole,

I felt wonder in all shapes and forms, 

Nobody was truly evil, nobody was truly as bad as the world made them seem,

I was just a girl, shrouded in dreams,

Of a world that may never be... 

Silly of me, really... 

For perfection lies between the lines of imperfection. 

I see this now...

There is no such thing as a more perfect world than that of which we live,

I am just a girl, 

a tiny insecure blim of nothingness... 

And I am wishing and praying that my wishes and prayers may be heard.

I am just a girl.

After 24 cycles of the planet around our sun, 

I have only just begun to remember it all.

What has been, what will be, what is sure to become,

What does it mean to manifest an impossible future?

Is it possible to make such, into a possibility?

Without the fall of the many, for the rise of the few?

What does it mean to become more than who we are?

To transcend the stars? To go beyond mars?
beyond the planet orbiting it's sun in 33 days?

To exit the haze?

Is there much more beyond that we cannot find within?

When we look within, where must we begin?

How can one feeble girl?

Answer the impossible?

On the edge of letting go of all that is...

Creeping to the realm where I can go no further.

In between worlds, making no decision as to where I go?

Is it possible to walk the tightrope? 

without the net below to catch me?

I am just a woman, 

A Phoenix in the flesh.

I am not concerned of falling, 

I am only concerned for the rest. 

For as I rise, everything I may inflame, 

It is not the same as being all okay.

It is not the same as beauty. 

It is not the same as that which you wish it to be,

It is dark, I shall light it up.

It is forests destroyed, It is selves dissolved, It is the appearance of the eternal messenger, 

The demons of ourselves, from the depths of hell they rise with me, 

bringing about a new dawning of endless chaos, 

a rise of destruction, to cleanse the canvas, 

to nourish the soils of existence,

so we may sow the new,

Let my flames guide you, 

but know they will not be stopped, 

You can not stop the fire of the phoenix,

Just like you can not stop the ticking of the timeless watch.

We are beyond your understanding, 

Beyond the loss of it all,

Beyond the rising destruction,

Creation will come once again.

And clear the darkness of your head.

See yourself beautiful one,

for exactly who you are,

embrace yourself dearest darling,

embrace all of what you are, 

look in the mirror,

see your light, let it illuminate the darkness of which you fight,

let it engulf the whole.

And once again become whole. 

You are not a blim of nothingness. 

You are a fragment of the all,

and your existence is worth more that you ever could have known.